How to Cure Baby Fever: An Exercise for women without children

From time to time, my friends who are either single or married without children get baby fever. It happens, it's normal. It waxes and wanes. Usually, you go out one night, drink too much, end up with a wicked hangover and that cures it. They're like, "Holy shit, I'm so glad I don't have to take care of another unsympathetic human right now." So I came up with this exercise, it's called, "Grocery Shopping with a Toddler". This is the Tylenol w/ Codeine for curing baby fever.

Grocery shopping is the most painful chore for mothers. I used to love grocery shopping. I love food, so I would stroll in all happy and compare apples, go through all the bags of spinach to get the freshest ones, dig way in the back for the milk that expires last. It was great. I wouldn't even need a list. I let the best looking produce inspire my meals. Ahh, those were days when cooking was a hobby. With a toddler in tow, it's just nerve wracking. Hence this exercise...

What you need:

1. A grocery shopping list of 3 days of meals.
2. "Who Let the Dogs Out" playing as loudly as possible on headphones (for the annoyance factor to mimic a whining/crying/talking/complaining toddler, of course)
3. Grocery store & shopping cart.

Got that? Great. Here's what you do...

Start shopping, start how you would normally start, making sure, though, that the headphones are turned up as high as possible. I know it seems unfair, because the toddler isn't screaming into your ear, but while I'm thinking about what I'm buying, I have to still keep responding to the child. So it kind of evens it out.

Now, every aisle you go down, pick up one thing off the shelf. Then leave your cart right where it's at and run as fast as you can down the whole aisle and turn just slightly down the next one. This is because your toddler just took off running after absolutely nothing. Just took off running, bat shit crazy.

Okay, now you've got your imaginary toddler back. So go back to your cart (hope nobody stole your purse) and apologize to everyone you pass along the route back. Because all of those people almost ran over your toddler out of no fault of their own and are a bit pissed. Now, some, usually old men, may give you a dirty look, as if to say, "watch your kid you stupid bitch". Just look down and keep going. Some women laugh cause - they've been there, done that. Those women are definitely getting into heaven.

You repeat this down every aisle you go down. Twice in the produce section and the dairy section.

Then you go to check out. Same rules. However long you stand there waiting, every 60 seconds, go chase that imaginary toddler.

I think when all is said and done, you'll come home, drink some vodka, just straight vodka - neat - and just be thankful. For now. One day, just like every mother before us and every mother after us, you will do it too. And you'll be like, "WTF, why did we not give her trophies and awards and shit?"

Did you get all the things on your list? I bet you didn't. This is why mom's grocery shop SO much! They go in with a list so they only have to do this shit once this week. Then they get home and forgot like 5 things for 5 different meals. So it all starts over again tomorrow.

Chicken Marsala Casserole

I found a recipe for Rachael Ray's Chicken Marsala Casserole (http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/rachael-ray-magazine-recipe-search/no-recipe-zone-recipes/marsala-chicken-and-mushroom-casserole)

Sounded pretty good, so I made it basically the same, just added 3 things: onions, garlic & green beans. Without them, not sure this would have been so good. It would have been pretty bland. If you like Chicken Marsala, you'll enjoy this. 

Update: Not good for leftovers. The rice gets too firm. 

Roasted Tomato & Cheese Sauce

I want to share this recipe for Lia's favorite pasta sauce. It's so rich, cheesy, creamy, fattening. Just great. 

I want to start off by saying, Keith & Lia really need to pack on some pounds. She's 22 months, 23lbs, she needs all the calories I can get into her. They are way to skinny, so a sauce like this is perfect. Here we go:

What you need:
2 pints cherry or grape tomato
1 6.5oz package of spreadable garlic herb cheese (Rondele, Alouette)
1/4 cup EVOO
1/2 cup water
4 cloves garlic, rough chop 
1/4 small onion, diced
1TBSP dried oregano
1tsp salt
1tsp pepper

Preheat oven to 400.

Use a baking dish big enough to spread the tomatoes in an even layer. Toss around with the EVOO, diced onion, garlic, oregano, s+p. 

Roast for about 45 minutes. The tomatoes will burst. My favorite is the garlic - nice, roasted, mushy. I sneak a few bites at this point.

Next, take this goodness, and throw it in a blender or food processor with a 1/2 cup of water and let that baby go. If you think you want to thin it out a little more, go for it. 

You could stop right here. This sauce over noodles is so amazingly delicious. It's super sweet and really healthy. You haven't done what I'm about to do...  

I should note, whatever size of this cheese you find will do. I've seen small blocks of it, big tubs - doesn't really matter. It's kind of expensive, so just get what you can find. 

Take that cheese and dump it right into a sauce pan and pour that tomato sauce in there with it. Let it melt away...

You're basically done right here. The cheese will melt into the tomato sauce and it's so good. Taste it for seasonings, but I doubt it will need much else. If you want to thin it out, add a little broth or water. Use this bad boy for whatever. Put it over noodles, use it in your lasagna, whatever you would use a regular sauce for. 

I crisped up some bacon and boiled some noodles. Did I mention my child and husband needed some calories? This is all for their health. Their well being. Their best interest. Them, not me, okay?

This recipe would be enough for 1lb of pasta.